The pup has been delayed, due to a dilligent veterenarian who wants to make sure that her leg is 100% healed. It is good that Penelope can heal and be safe and sound before coming to a new home. It is good that the kitty can have a chance to settle in a bit more before introducing a puppy. It is good that we will not need to go to Lyon the morning after a wedding. These are the things that I said to Ivo after recieving the email from the breeder, in the presence of the in-laws. I may have needed a moment to let these truths sink in and begin to believe them. I did not get them. Interrupting this adult thought-process, my mother-in-law decided to tell me about how to treat my cat. Adult me vanished. Lil' kid me wanted to stamp feet and have a proper tantrum and say "I want! I want! I want!!!" I want my puppy.
The first dog that I ever owned was a Beagle/Terrier mix named Bwick. Bwick the unloved. Bwick Mc Bwickerson. When he was fancy, he was Sir Bwicky Trawler. Bwick was the name of Ben Stiller's charachter in the film If Lucy Fell. I didn't choose the name because my pup was crazy and eccentric (though he was. He was 8 years old and had been raised spending 23 hours a day in his crate before I adopted him) but because the Bwick character is rejected; liked but not loved. I loved Bwick and very importantly, Bwick loved me.
I got Bwicker after a bad breakup with lots of pain and betrayal. I wanted someone to love and who loved me and I deseperately needed to be needed. Bwick filled the bill. I loved him, from his ginger beard (strangely a feature he had in common with the ex) to his powerful lil' tail.
Now we're healing from the first failed adoption attempt. We gained a whole lot of knowledge and I like to think that I've gained some patience. As we slog through the bureaucratic process of re-entering switzerland. Ivo scoffs at parts of the process, but I try to stay chill, storing up calm in the face of paperwork in preparation for the horribly impersonal illogical adoption process here later. Ivo and my relationship is stronger for having undergone the last process, which is good, because we have to answer questions about it in order for me to get my resident alien card.
Nevertheless, the big hole in my heart that I'd hoped to shrink a bit with a needy, warm, loving, sweet pup is still VERY tender and my patience is being reserved for our Kinderwunsch and too small to sustain a baby wait and a puppy wait.
That said, Kitty is really thriving every day in our new place and I am grateful. We will soon have a puppy and I am grateful. I am healthy and happy, as our my family and loved ones and I am grateful. I am at home again and in the company of the world's best partner and I am grateful. I have fun new projects on the horizon and I am grateful . . . and a little impatient.