When I ride backwards in busses and trains, I get ill. Despite this fact, if I'm riding up Nob Hill in the morning, I always want to ride facing backward. Sure, I'm nauseated after the fact, but I love seeing the foggy Bay Bridge framed in the window.
My friend Olivia has allergies and gets ill easily, but she doesn't mind sitting backwards. This summer she did a bit of looking backwards metaphorically as well. At the end of her trip through South America, she turned 30, before returning home, returning to work and the rhythym of life she has found.
I'm feeling a bit reflective myself, but it feels the thing to do when beginning a new decade.
These past 10 years seem an eternity, but really, they're just half my life. I really like where they're ending vs. where they began.
This morning I jumped into looking forward and that doesn't make me ill, but apparently makes me cry. Not in a bad way just in a "oh my!" kind of way. Our young, handsome, fecund architecht kept talking about how his young family have their apartment, in order to help us think about what we want for our apartment. Oh, sweet André, no worries, there have been conversations, interviews and things typed up about how we anticipate raising our family.
The beginning of the month often makes me sad. I think it might be similar to getting one's period for a woman who is trying to start her family naturally. Our time to be chosen is running out and the fantasies of the last month fade away. This month feels different, however. Not because we only have two months, but because we still believe. "We Believe" does not mean, we believe that we will be chosen in the next two months (though we hope and believe that that is true) but that we believe that we will have a family some way. We feel confident that we will be able to find a way to internationally adopt with as much openness and good conscience as is possible.
Until then, there are videos of bassett-hounds to look forward to and motion-sickness wristbands for looking backwards.